Yes, yes…Oh, YES! Consent is sexy

Dr. Shuey pictured with Violet the vulva puppet

“Shy” not being a word in Justine Shuey’s vocabulary became apparent when she joined Del Mar College students in the Retama Room on Oct. 17 for her “Fifty Shades of NO” presentation.

Shuey, a board-certified sexologist who is no stranger to DMC, has presented all over the United States and Canada, educating college students on different aspects of sex.

“Greatest job ever, switch majors now!” she joked with students.

Just before she hit the hard facts she laid out the five circles of sexuality, the stages of the relationships, non-healthy relationship signs and what makes up a healthy relationship.

She then moved on to consent.

“The age of consent in Texas is 17, age of consent can be different based on sexual orientation, and there’s also a stipulation for people within three years of age. But I am of the opinion that ‘yes’ is the sexiest word in English language, because we need not just consent but to have affirmative enthusiastic consent.

“You need consent for every single activity, every single time and you can withdraw consent at any point,” she added.

She said consent requires four things:

  • Clear – conversation where they state they want to do this thing with this person at this time.
  • Coherent – can never be when person is passed out on drugs or drunk.
  • Willing – can’t be coerced in any way as if to say, “if you don’t have sex with me then … will happen.”
  • Ongoing – every single activity, every single time, doesn’t matter if you married or in a relationship or if you did this thing before or with someone else. Just because you did it on Tuesday doesn’t mean you didn’t do it on Thursday, so it needs to be ongoing.

“Our minds are stuck in the rape culture society, trained to watch your drink so you don’t get raped, when we should be saying don’t rape!” Shuey said.

Students said they learned things they might never have thought about before the presentation.

“I actually really liked it, it was kind of interesting. I like the whole stages of a relationship. It made sense of how in the beginning love is like a drug,” said nursing major Jonai Cirilo said.

Others said they learned something new to use in their own lives.

“It was definitely informative. It’s given me some things to think about and to discuss with my partner,” said industrial instrumentation major Travis Nunez.

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