A married couple my husband and I know are going through a disturbing rough patch.
“Hannah” and “Max” have been together for six years and have been married for one. They share a child who just had his fifth birthday.
Max is the epitome of jealousy.
Hannah is not allowed to have (yes, allowed) male friends. My husband and I met Hannah through friends about a year before she met Max. He was very apprehensive about the three of us being friends, even though two of us are gay men.
Max eventually learned to trust Hannah with us. We tried to tell her about the giant red sign that was on his face, but the next thing we knew she was pregnant.
They moved in together immediately and we rarely started to see her. It was mainly holidays and birthdays that we would be able to get together.
Fast forward to their wedding. Max was fine that we danced with her, but only if the three of us danced at the same time.
Hannah knew our concerns we had about him, but swore he was kind and loving to her and their son.
Recently, I ran into her while running some errands. We decided to have lunch at a deli and she immediately started to tear up.
Hannah told me she felt trapped.
They both are supposed to print out their text messages for each other and exchange them at the end of each week. While she was at work, Max called her yelling that there were two pages missing and that obviously meant she was cheating on him.
Hannah said she was in the break room when she got the call and started to cry while her employees were around her. She felt embarrassed and asked if she could leave work immediately.
I comforted her as best as I could, but I knew if I told her to leave him, she would’ve shut down and left.
I couldn’t help but wonder: How can you become trapped in a relationship?
According to Psychology Today, people stay in complicated relationships for a number of reasons: from the fear of starting over again with someone new to not being able to support themselves financially on a single-based income. The journal specifies if you are unhappy and losing love for your partner day after day, leave them.
Your self-esteem and confidence will begin to deteriorate, whether it be physical, emotional or psychological abuse.
I’ve said many times that communication is the key to any relationship, but so is trust. If you can’t trust your partner or your partner can’t trust you, why be together?
Hannah and her son moved back in with her parents a few weeks ago. She and Max are still talking, but as long as there is another person there to mediate. She said she’s enjoying her freedom, but she doesn’t want to get a divorce unless she feels it’s absolutely necessary.
Hannah said she doesn’t want to look like a failure to other people. But more than anything, she wants to make sure her son is not raised in a home that is full of negativity and walking on eggshells.
My husband and I are proud of Hannah but have yet to tell her, “We told you so.” I hope she and Max do well in the therapy sessions they plan to take, but I would like to hope Hannah decides to put her confidence and her son’s upbringing first.