Finals aren’t the only thing going down

Finals are one of the most stressful times of the year for students. So why don’t you have a little sex and relieve all the stress?

Except you probably don’t have time, because finals are basically when teachers all decide to gang-bang you with assignments, projects and tests.

Well never fear! I have some wonderful techniques for you are your partner to not only get your studying done, not go crazy, but get a little crazy.







No. 15

This one is more for those who aren’t afraid to get on their knees. A simple doggy position with a book or computer lets both you are your partner get more than just some knowledge in.





No. 5

This one is more for the people whose partner is not in school or have completely given up on the idea of passing. This position allows your partner to help de-stress you while you finish up looking over that final essay. You and your partner could also take turns so both you of get some knowledge in.







No. 4

The reverse cowgirl is a classic for those who still want to get it in, but are kind of pissed off at their partner. Bouncing may inhibit how much you can get done, but sometimes the road gets tough and you just have to make it work.









No. 8

Sometimes you want to get close to a person and have a truly intimate time. Unfortunately, school tends to get in the way of everything else in your life. This position lets you truly get close with a person, but also lets you finish that last chapter for the final.

These positions may not be the most comfortable and may take some time to figure out, but let’s be real, you probably don’t want to study anyway so at least this compromise makes school a little more bearable.

Remember, wear a condom and proofread your paper!

(14) Comments

  1. Grover says:

    I thought the article was funny and creative. Just the sort of laughs that everyone needs at finals time. The prudes and Bible thumper should lighten up.

  2. Vomit Kamat says:

    George Gollin has been convicted of violating the Illinois State Employees and Officials Ethics Act and fined $5,000. George Gollin “knowingly and intentionally used his state-provided email account to engage in prohibited political activity….” George Gollin admitted he knew he was misappropriating state resources when he sent “dozens” of campaign emails with his university email. The Executive Ethics Commission levied a $5,000 fine against George Gollin, the maximum allowed under the statute.

  3. […] editors say was intended as humor for those stressed by finals. The full article may be found here. One example from the article is […]

  4. Sean says:

    My god it’s a joke you need to lighten up

  5. Yasmeen says:

    I thought this article was very informative! Who would’ve know you could kill two birds with one stone using this technique! After reading these comments, I am very much appalled to see that the readers are not pleased with this piece as this article could save someone’s GPA and maybe even their life!

  6. Rotanza Pearson says:

    The most obscene article in a College, and he needs to be reprimanded! This should not be swept under the rug. Despicable, and a poor example for Del Mar College. Take action!

    1. Me says:

      Someone needs to get laid!

  7. Janell Bennett says:

    A lacked of Moral Fiber students have (not all), but this is a clear indicator of their moral thermometer! This article and actions clearly gauges their outlook on moral issues. To think that this is allowed and acceptable is beyond sickening! They should be expelled for poor judgement!

    1. Janell Bennett says:

      Matthew 12: 34-35 “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil.” There is more going on in the heart than “Free Speech!”

      It is sad how many use Free Speech, Freedom of Speech and 1st Amendment to publish vulgar material. If a Professor exercise the same Constitutional Rights, it takes on a new meaning. They are dismissed!

      Free speech should not serve as a valve to let off immorality or toxins that would otherwise find their way into decaying society. Not to mention sexual assault in a society where the most lethal forms of misogynist pornography are a click away on the Internet.

      For example, if it is sexual in nature then perverted sexual activities becomes a justifiable response to speech. Or if it is violent in nature, then the same whole true that violence become a justifiable response to speech. One would gauge students’ understanding of the First Amendment, based on this article. Speech promoting sexual activities in various positions, or at least, speech perceived as promoting this may be detestable, but it is nonetheless constitutionally protected. It is sad, how the acceptance of a Moral Decay in Society as “Free Speech!”

  8. Roxanne Arndt PhD, RN says:

    You have crossed the line on this one. It’s trashy and disgusting. I understand free speech but you have crossed the line on this one. You should be ashamed of yourselves

    1. Me says:

      Chill honey. It’s not that big a deal

  9. Roxanne Arndt PhD, RN says:

    This is terrible. I understand free speech but you have gone way across the line of decency.

  10. Stellabeam says:

    What the heck this is garbage, the Foghorn use to have actual knowledge and useful facts in it with ALL of its authors… where did they hire this guy from?

  11. Miriam Leavell says:

    Take this article down. This should not be published. What has become of us? This is indecent, contradicts gods law and leads to destruction. Why publish such garbage? Adhere to the word of god and find life.

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