Look out for the red flags before you commit

A friend of mine, “Isabel,” is getting married next month to her fiancé, “Lucas.”

The two have been together for a year and got engaged this past April on Isabel’s birthday. She immediately said yes after his proposal and started planning their wedding she had been dreaming about forever.

They moved in together the same month of the engagement. Recently though, Isabel feels that Lucas has not been giving her as much attention as he used to. His excuses are that he’s tired or he had a long day at work.

She told me she’s worried that this is a glimpse of what their married life would be. Aside from not getting enough attention, they still argue over who cleans what around the house.

Moving in with someone is a big step because that’s when one finds out how their partner actually lives their day-to-day life. You might find out your girlfriend has to have her DVD collection in alphabetical order. Or perhaps your boyfriend had his mom do all the cleaning so now you have to tell him you’re not his mother and he needs to grow up and be an adult.

Isabel tried bringing up the topic of not being heard over dinner a couple of weeks ago but was met with annoyance from Lucas.

He said since he started his dream job, being a fireman, he doesn’t have that much free time to do anything except sleep and eat. Isabel said she doesn’t care about going out on dates with him, but that she misses watching their TV shows together while winding down from work. She just wants them to talk about their day and how they’re feeling.

Isabel just wants them to lie in bed all day and be in each other’s company while eating take-out. She feels ignored by the man she’s about to spend the rest of her life with.

I couldn’t help but wonder: Did Isabel and Lucas rush into marriage too soon without really knowing each other?

According to website MeetMindful, communication is one of the most important things before getting married. If you feel you cannot communicate with your partner about thoughts, feelings or important matters, you’re not ready for marriage.

The website also says if there are any little annoying things your partner does, how are you going to deal with the big annoyances?

There will be rough times ahead in marriage; not every relationship is perfect. My husband and I still argue over who has to fold the clothes after they get out of the dryer. In my defense, it should be whoever started laundry in the first place but that’s for another time.

I shared my concerns with Isabel about how she and Lucas might be rushing. She said she knew what she was doing and didn’t want to be an embarrassment to her friends and family.

That’s another red sign right there. But I already bought their wedding present and I don’t need a cheese plate or linen tablecloths.

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